Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. (Hebrews 12:12-13, ESV)
I have been very neglectful of my time in the Word. I'm still going to services, but I have really let my private study time and prayer time fall to the side. I fill my sight with the world and all of its distractions - TV, internet, endless hours of Candy Crush...it's all crap, and I know it.
I'm in a rut right now, in every way possible. I'm not exercising. I'm only doing so-so on my dieting. I'm not doing my devotionals. I'm passively invested in services. Just spinning my wheels, hoping something will catch. The thing is, just like exercising or dieting, if I don't make prayer and devotional time a conscious, scheduled, no-excuses priority in my day to day life, I won't do it. And also, just like exercising and dieting, the longer I put it off, the harder it is to get back into it. And even more ironically, doing all three - studying God's Word, exercising, and eating a clean diet - all make me happy. So why am I so reluctant lately? Why is it so hard to be "good"?
A really good friend of mine once said, quite astutely, "I'd do anything to look like Beyonce...I mean, except eat right and exercise. I won't do that..but I'd do anything else." That's how I've been feeling lately. I'd do anything, and I do everything...sort of.
I'm sort of a good wife. I'm kind of a good mother. I usually eat healthfully. I think about exercising.
But I usually lose my temper. I often give in to my frustration or depression. I frequently eat sweets. I never actually go to the gym. Still, I'd do anything to be a strong, Biblical woman - a Proverbs 31 wife, a homemaker, a caring mother. I'd do anything to be back in shape and a good fitness role model for my kids.
Anything, apparently, except actually getting up and doing those things.
I know the life that I want. I know the spiritual life that I want. I know the physical health that I want. I can picture in my head all of the details that escape me now. But the WORK that goes into getting that life...that's the challenge. That's the hurdle for me. I need to recapture the joy I had for the Lord, and I need to reawaken my passion for healthy exercise and clean eating.
I'm in need of prayers, my friends. I need prayer for strength and endurance to run this course. I need prayer for a reinvigorated spirit - renewed joy for the Lord. I need prayer for the pain and joint stiffness/swelling to be brought under control so that I feel comfortable dancing again. I need prayer for self-control and discipline. I need prayer. And, I need to pray.