“So, could you not watch with me one hour? 41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”(Matt 26: 40-41, ESV).
But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion,
and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate. (Luke 15:20-24, ESV)
Hi there. Remember me? I used to write here every once in a while, and then I stopped. I stopped for a long time. Do you wonder why? Have you missed me?
The last time I wrote, I believe I was wrestling with this feeling of apathy towards God. I was feeling detached and generally dead in the spirit. Everything had become academic. Routine. A bloodless investigation of literature, not a spiritual journey towards atonement with God.
It's so easy to drift away, so easy to sleep. It seems like human nature...maybe it is human nature. The spirit is willing - my spirit was willing - but the flesh is weak.
Thankfully, God kept me firmly planted in the Body and immersed in the Word. Honestly, had I not had such a strong connection with my church, my small group, my mentor, and the choir, I would have drifted away, maybe never to return.
A year ago, in my first post here, I talked about my church background and beliefs. Thinking myself theologically well-rounded and reasonably intelligent, some of my opinions were solid. Nothing could sway my understanding of what marriage should be like, what the nature of sin was, or the identity of Christ in relation to God. These seemed like really logical conclusions on my part.
Pride has always been and will always be my greatest sin, but thankfully, God knows that.
A sermon was given this past summer that awakened me to God's real work in my life. It was a solidification of what I had always known but had never been able to put my finger on - my testimony. So, here it is. Here is how I know that I have been saved from myself:
He has never given up on me. Even at my lowest point, even when I was so deeply immersed in the sin of my own making that even I found myself to be a vile waste of air, God has never stopped pursuing me.
He has pursued me when I needed to be found. He has let me fall away when I needed to be humbled. And He has set me back up again when I needed to be strengthened. Despite all my terrible sins, personal flaws, and outright disobedience to Him, God has remained ever faithfully my God.
Now, dear Reader, I could go into innumerable detail on this, and if you really want to know how bad my life got, I am more than willing to tell you, but not like this. Call me. Text me. Facebook me. We'll set up a date to have coffee, and I will tell you every way that God sought to break me, humble me, entice me, and persuade me to worship Him as He deserves.
That being said, it is good to be back. Thanks be to God.
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