10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
“Cast not away your confidence
because God defers his performances. That which does not come in your
time, will be hastened in his time, which is always the more convenient
season. God will work when he pleases, how he pleases, and by what means
he pleases. He is not bound to keep our time, but he will perform his
word, honor our faith, and reward them that diligently seek him.” ~ Matthew Henry
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I'm lonely. I shouldn't be, but I am. I have a husband, a wonderful mentor, a growing relationship with the church body I am visiting, and many friends who have always stood by me.
But, I'm lonely, and I feel very discouraged at times.
Will I ever feel the connection with God in my every day life that I feel in services? I keep reading all of these posts and essays from people who say that they "love Jesus," and I want to love Him, but I don't feel it. At least, not yet.
I feel humbled by His works. I feel dependent on His mercy. I feel amazed and inspired by His grace...but love isn't the noun that I immediately go to.
Is that the same thing? I don't know.
I know that I'm impatient to know Him more deeply, to feel Him working in my life. But for now, I just feel very lonely and lost. I don't know what to do next. I know where I want to be, but I don't know how to get there.
So, is that it? Is this the suffering for me? I have to wait.
Patience has never been my virtue, not by a long shot.
But, I will be patient. God works in His time and in His way. I will continue doing what I can to be worthy in His sight. I will continue searching for Him. I will continue working and reading and building my faith.
I will be patient.
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